Curious, I sought a second opinion.
It took a while for the thing to make up its mind, but it settled, eventually, on 268lbs.
In other words, I have actually lost weight since the last reliable measurement was taken, and moreover, am still firmly within the weight range I have been hovering in for the last year or two at least.
In short, I believe I need to inform my doctor that her scale is insane.
Oh yeah, I opened a bank account and Costco seems interested in hiring me. Boo yah.
That is all.
NP: Bruce Dickinson - Machine Men