This evening, I merely find myself deeply confused.
Is it at all possible to put on forty pounds and yet show no sign of it in any way other than the scale reading? Clothes fitting the same (and a couple pairs of pants becoming too loose), no reduction in strength, speed, or stamina (my weight-lifting regime has, in fact, improved the former and latter), and no visual difference whatsoever?
Went to the doctor's today to discuss some things and update her on my trans situation (which is going better and better -- I'm feeling the T and I've got a name to pursue who'll prescribe it for me and maybe get me some surgery... boo fuckin' yah), and as usual they weighed me and took my blood pressure. Two of the last three times I've gone there, their scale has insisted I've gained some huge amount of weight in a ridiculously short amount of time, when I've actually been eating healthier and absolutely NOTHING has changed in my body that I can tell. How the fuck can I gain a net total of 60 pounds and have NO DIFFERENCE WHATSOEVER? What the FUCK?
You people who know about health and weight, women-types, anyone... explain this to me!! I can account for SOME of that with increased muscle mass from my working out and taking testosterone, but not THAT much, not by far, and definitely not within a month and a half.
Other than being extremely baffled by the scale, I'm doing better. Feeling healthier, stronger, without some negative influences in my life. Getting back on a healthier pattern in all things. Going to spend a week or two at Sparrow and Racer's as soon as I get my room clean and everything taken care of here, and I think when I come back from there I'll be good to go.
Other than the obvious, I've also spent a lot of my downtime making little furry emoticons. I have NO idea why. I may post some later.
I love and miss you all. :)
(P.S.: Just in case you wondered Ceej, even if you hadn't really needed to sleep the other night, I passed out about half an hour after I posted the comment anyway. :) Hope you're sleeping better now.)
NP: Iron Maiden - Fates Warning